Mentoring - an essential tool for growth and reflection for youth workers (and everyone else)

Years ago there was a Guardian advert on TV (this is pre streaming channels!) which, for me, sums up why I mentor youth, children’s and families ministers. A young man is pictured running down a pavement. At first glance he looks aggressive, is he running towards or away from someone? He slaps the walls of the terrace houses he runs past as he goes. The camera pans round and you see that ahead of him there is another man walking along with a briefcase. Ahh, you think, he’s going to grab that man’s briefcase and make off with it. The briefcased man turns and sees this guy belting towards him and hugs his briefcase to his chest. Just as they are about to wrestle each other, the camera pans up and you see that above the man is a pallet with bricks. One of the supports is breaking and the bricks are about to fall. The young man grabs the other one and rescues him! The ad finishes with “It’s only when you get the full picture, you can fully understand what’s going on.”

Mentoring, for me, is about providing a reflective space for someone who wants to “take in” a bit more of their picture. See things that are hard for them to notice or pay attention to without an objective perspective alongside them. Stephen Covey said, “We see the world not as it is, but as we are, or as we are conditioned to see it.” I think this is so true, especially in ministry. We are surrounded by the expectations, demands, subjective concerns of others - it can be so hard to take a step back and consider where we are at, what we are doing and why!

When we work with people, and that work involves everything from pastoral care to discipleship, outreach and missional activity to planning a rota and buying snacks for the tuck shop and those we are working with are going through significant life changes as they grow and mature through primary school, secondary school, university and the world of work - it can all feel relentless and overwhelming!

Mentoring offers the space to pause, step back and consider what is going on (not always what we initially think!). As I’ve mentored youth ministers in particular, there are a few recurring themes and I think they are quite common among people in ministry :

• People need reassurance. A common thought that comes at the start of a mentoring session is “am I mad to be thinking this?!” - The thought being that nobody else in my ministry context seems to understand what they are doing or why they are doing it. As a youth ministry practitioner as well as a mentor, being able to say, “no, you aren’t mad - that makes sense to me!” can be so helpful.
• People need guidance. A great book, which I refer to often, is “Contemplative Youth Ministry” by Mark Yaconelli. He talks about how we are either ministering to others out of a place anxiety or love. Anxiety lifts up gurus whereas love relies on guides. As we mentor and encourage others - we aren’t gurus, we aren’t the source of all wisdom! What we can be though is a guide, a fellow traveller who might have been this way before. As a mentor I don’t encourage people to follow in my footsteps, rather to forge their own path - but maybe with some helpful signposts along the way that guide the journey.
• People need to talk. Depending on what is needed in a mentoring session, there are times when I say very little. What has been pent up, held in can come out in a great rush of words and feelings! So often when this happens I listen to the person I’m mentoring reflect on what they are saying and begin to make connections that help them, or suddenly have insight they didn’t before. What have I done? I’ve listened as they have talked. Giving that space and time for someone to process is often the most useful thing we can do as mentors.

Finally, considering the Guardian advert I began with - I’ve heard it said that we all have a point of view, whilst God has an infinite number of viewing points. He misses nothing. For me, it is so important to bring prayer in to the mentoring relationship. To submit conversations, reflections and thoughts to Him and pray that where we have maybe glimpsed something that His Spirit might illuminate what is needed for someone to take the next step forward in their growth and development.

Ali Campbell runs The Resource www.theresource.org.uk and is a youth and children’s ministry consultant offering training, mentoring and support for those in children’s, youth and families ministry. Ali recently established Paraklesis - The Association of Children’s, Youth and Families Ministers - www.paraklesis.org.uk