Have you ever experienced how unforgiveness destroys relationships? It happens in families, and maybe you’ve seen it. But it also happens in communities and even whole nations.

Working in Northern Ireland in Community Relations I see first-hand the damage that an unforgiving spirit can have. Bitterness and hatred leave people curtailing their own lives so as not to bump into certain people or staying away from activities that might mean meeting people from outside of their own safe community bubble. I work with young people who won’t go down ‘that road’ because people from another community live there. A friend of mine who is a school principal received complaints from parents when he arranged a Gaelic sports event, people who believed that certain sports were only for ‘the other sort’ and their children should not be playing them.

But working in this context has also given me the chance to see the power of forgiveness first-hand. I have seen people saying sorry for things that in the past they saw as completely justifiable. I have seen people share stories of pain with one another. I have listened to people as they come to realise the hurt that communities have laid upon each other. I have seen the healing that forgiveness can bring. I have seen the powerful transformation that forgiveness can bring.

Forgiveness is a topic that Jesus returns to time and again, as the pathway to reconciliation with God and one another. Remember his words on the cross - “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34).

I have always loved reading in the Bible about how I am forgiven. I love the stories that tell me that no matter what I have done I can be reconciled to God: I am loved and accepted! Throughout the gospels Jesus forgives people that others think are unforgivable - the tax collectors who steal from the poor, the thief on the cross, the prodigal son who breaks his father’s heart and runs off with his inheritance money. Jesus forgives them all and its beautiful, powerful and reassuring.

I love to think about forgiveness, grace and mercy when I’m applying them to me and the people I love. Just listen to all those beautiful promises:

"Come to me all of you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28) or "Peace I give to you, peace is my gift to you" (John 14:27). Jesus tells us not to worry because God looks after the little birds and the flowers in the field and God will look after us too.

Its great!

But then Jesus starts to talk about forgiving others who offend us and it’s not so comfortable and reassuring; it's difficult and challenging and I’m not sure I really want to do it. When Jesus is talking about forgiveness, why does he have to keep talking about other people so much? Why does he have to bring people who have annoyed me and hurt me into it? Why can’t forgiveness just be between God and I?

Its not so great.

Think about how Jesus taught us to pray: "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us" (Matthew 6:12). Many of us in churches and Christian communities pray this prayer regularly, it’s the audience participation bit of the church service, it rolls off the tongue without too much thought. But have you ever stopped to think about how dangerous the words are? In essence we are saying ‘God I want you to forgive me in the same way that I am forgiving to others’. Are we really happy with the thought of God applying the same criteria for forgiveness as we do with others? In the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35) Jesus gives us a frankly terrifying image of someone who is not prepared to forgive. He reminds us that God is prepared to forgive, but that really does come at a very high price – our own willingness to do the same.

In Matthew 5:23-24 Jesus says “if you are about to place your gift on the altar and remember that someone is angry with you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. Make peace with that person, then come back and offer your gift to God.” If you think about it Jesus is basically telling us that coming to church is meaningless if we are not reconciled with others. Maybe we’re furious with a friend, resentful of our boss, feeling hard done by - and probably feeling entirely justified in our unforgiveness. But we have no right to hold it against people when God does not hold things against us.

Why is Jesus so adamant on the subject of forgiveness? I am convinced, from what I have seen where I live and work, that it is because he knows the extraordinary power of forgiveness to transform situations for good. Situations that plenty of other people have given up on, and are sure will never change. Jesus fully understands how hate and violence fester and eat away at our souls. Anger is debilitating and stops us from functioning as God intended as fully alive and living in partnership with others and with him.

However widespread unforgiveness may be it always boils down to what we as individuals hold in our hearts. The only way that things begin to change is when we choose forgiveness instead, and transformation and reconciliation begin to grow. So the question we all have to ask ourselves today is this: Is there someone that we need to forgive? Is there someone who we need to be reconciled with? It's not easy, it's not quick, sometimes it is a long and painful process. But forgiveness transforms people, situations, communities and hearts. It is beautiful and powerful and reassuring and that’s why Jesus commands us to do it.